![[icon]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/28511907/5349288) |
If this is a dream, wake me up now
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| Jackie got Ricky arrested for being drunk at burger king.
Which is freaking lovely, because now he is going to go to jail for a long time. Which also breaks my heart. He is a good kid, just got lost.
Immature just to call the cops and not even ask him to just leave, he would have listened, oh well. I just wish I was there. But hey story of my life right? | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| Well the last week has been so hard. I broke up with Jeremy and it tore me apart. I know it was the right thing to do since I really need to figure myself out, but it hurt so bad, I knew it would hurt him. And that is the very last thing I wanted to do. He is a human being, and one I love deeply, and I broke his heart. I wish I was at a different place with myself right now, where I would be able to commit to him. He is sober, devoted, smart, hard-working, cute, not to mention fabulous in bed :) and a million other perfect qualities but I just can't do it. I really hope that he forgives me for what i've done, and that he finds someone who can make him happy. I know that sounds weird, and the thought of him with other girls drives me nuts, but I think that's the point when you really love someone, when you want them to be truly happy, even if that means in the long run they won't be with you.
I just want him to fall madly in love with a girl and me just to be a sweet memory, maybe even a friend if I can hope for more than I deserve | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Good morning. I feel like i've been run over by a large truck but at least I have off. Then opening tomorrow. I am going to get some school reading done then go to church with my family. Good news is I got paid yesterday so I can finally start getting out of this financial rut.
Jeremy and I are back together and I hope it works out I am so scared of hurting him. I decided that the only way to know whether or not we should be together is to just jump in and see if I can swim so to speak. Because if I don't take that risk then I will never know whether I lost the best thing I could ever have. I know things take time. It is so strange feeling to be back laying down with him and just talking. feels foreign to me, there has been so much time, and so much pain on both of our sides. I am scared whether or not I can go back. It's not so much him as myself though, it takes a mountain to move me sometimes and I hope i'm brave enough.
 | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Good morning and Happy Easter. Jeremy has inspired me to start writing in this again so we will see how it goes, I think it will help to clear my brain. Anyways off to my parents for food, then to work! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer EACH DAY
Still I can't SAY what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer TO ME
So close that I can't see what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't WANNA scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | round here-counting crows | | Subject: | my theme song | | Time: | 07:46 pm |
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| Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog
Where no one notices the contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you the angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right
I walk in the air between the rain through myself and back again
Where? I dont know
Maria says shes dying through the door I hear her crying
Why? I dont know
Round here we always stand up straight
Round here something radiates
Maria came from nashville with a suitcase in her hand
She said shed like to meet a boy who looks like elvis
She walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land
Just like shes walking on a wire in the circus
She parks her car outside of my house
Takes her clothes off
Says shes close to understanding jesus
She knows shes more than just a little misunderstood
She has trouble acting normal when shes nervous
Round here were carving out our names
Round here we all look the same
Round here we talk just like lions
But we sacrifice like lambs
Round here shes slipping through my hands
Sleeping children better run like the wind
Out of the lightning dream
Mamas little baby better get herself in
Out of the lightning
She says its only in my head
She says shhh I know its only in my head
But the girl on car in the parking lot says
man you should try to take a shot
Cant you see my walls are crumbling?
Then she looks up at the building and says shes thinking of jumping
She says shes tired of life she must be tired of something
Round here shes always on my mind
Round here hey man got lots of time
Round here were never sent to bed early
And nobody makes us wait
Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late
I cant see nothing, nothing round here
Catch me if Im falling | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I am so tired. Nothing but tired. I worked 8-4 yesterday, which was hard to get up for, because I was on broadway with Robin the night before, then at westside pizza getting free pizza from tristan. Then last night I went to seattle with courtney to see rishloo, and we were on the list so that was good. The Showbox was a really nice venue. We ran into Alex there too, he was in the beer garden when we got there, and hung out with us the whole show. Then I got to chat with Jesse for awhile. which was really, nice, they were really good.
A solid set I thought. Then after, steve, from esitu, befriended me and courtney and was all, "walk with me, talk with me, meet my yetti" so we hung out with him for a while, which was fun, if not a bit strange, he was a pretty cool guy though. Even if he did remind me of golem onstage, lol.
I think I may have gotten Jeremy sick. I feel bad about that. I told him not to kiss me though, so yeah...I found something brilliant for him though.
On other news, apparently his sister hates me. I don't even know why, or what happened, but Jriah came into work today and was like, "oh by the way, my girlfriend hates you and thinks you are stupid." I don't even know where that came from, so I am confused. I know I am not like, a genius, but I don't think I am an idiot. Hate, and stupid are strong words, oh well, you got to roll with the punches right?
I can't believe I am done with school. And I have been playing guitar alot lately again. Which makes me happy, and I STILL can't find the johnathan rice CD. I want it so bad. lol. I mostly just want to hide in a hole though, until things make sense to me. My head hurts, lol....anyways. I'm out.
-Emily | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | To feel so hungry inside, fatally trying to convince myself of it’s strength, and of my own power. How hungry is brave, and I think of the song that goes, “wouldn’t it be nice, if I could melt myself like ice, to shed my skin and just be like pure wind.” It isn’t easy; it is a fight in which every step I wonder if I am brave enough to continue. I don’t want to break, one more failure. I want to be strong, and be like the plants, surviving solely on light and water. And how beautiful nature is, no self-indulgence, just determination, and instead of giving in to the temptations of the world, the plant just stares with it’s proud eyes, and wilts away, forever frozen in it’s perfect beauty. Perfect lying in the fact that it did not give up. Humans aren’t like that. At least I am not like that, I am a weak being, poisoning myself with my thoughts and words. Always giving in and out. I constantly try to succumb to the desires of others, but somehow always ending up on the outer circle, feeling cheap. The flower does not bother with vanity. Animals and nature die without knowledge of death, they do not fear what comes beyond, and they do not hold onto the past. They live, and then they die. Not like humans, who spend all their waking minutes thinking about dying, then every dying moment dreaming of living, what a strange mix up indeed. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| “Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, but not always; for cowardice sometimes prevents it; since as many live because they are afraid to die, as die because they are afraid to live”
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that." | | comments: Leave a comment |
| hey.
i hate being sick, haven't been sick in so long. I hope i'm not dying. I am tougher than that though, the only thing that can beat me is myself. You know what isn't fair though, i have been barely eating, because I am sick, and yet I haven't lost any weight. i am STILL at 135, it's not fair. I did a bmi though and it said I was underweight. I don't believe that crap one bit though, seriously deranged. lol. I had a 104.5 fever last night though, lovely. It was disgusting and I almost had to go to the ER but I refused. I hate doctors, all they do is just throw out the medicines, they don't know anything about people, just alot about meds. It is ridiculous. Cross your fingers for me tonight though, k? No repeats of last night. Kattie seemed upset that I wasn't coming to work tommorow. But I can't. I still have a fever, maybe a virus, do they really want me dishing out fries, and drinks, and breathing on the customers, it doesn't sound smart.......but I think she is still pissed, screw that, screw Burger King, it isn't like it is anything more than fast food. Life will, shockingly go on.
Screw off,
Emily | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | 3EB-London | | Current Location: | home | | Subject: | Covers Face | | Time: | 09:36 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/purplelemon/sassips/tired.gif) It takes a fight to move you |
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| | So life has been a whirlwind of everything and nothing. My family has been driving me crazy, I don't even understand why Phoebe hates me so much. I really just don't get it, and I think is part of it. My brother has been himself lately, SUPPOSEDLY I am getting 40 hours a week this summer, that should be interesting. I am excited though, maybe for once I will be making some real money to put in the bank. Even though I always said I would never go to a community college, never. Well it is either that, or no school at all. And I can't do that. I want to move out though, but I don't have the money. I only have like 350 in the back, maybe 400, I seriously don't know what has been up with me lately. I am less self-conscious though, which is strange, like I am definetly not completely better, but I can tell that I am not as bad. Jeremy has been good for me in the fact that I am slightly less ocd about some things. Which is impressive because it usually takes a mountain to move me. The other night, I left the doors unlocked. I felt just like jack nicholson in As good as it gets. A very depressing movie, but it really fits me at some points. Anyways, more later! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So yesterday morning was so bad. SOmething happened with my brother when he was being a jerk, and I felt the change, and he knew he screwed up. He knew it, and I knew it, and he hugged me, he hasn't done that willingly since maybe 3-4 years ago. For a split second I though about leaving, I did think about it, but it is a family thing and you can't just run away from your problems, or just omit the parts that don't fit, or aren't all that pretty. I am in it for the long haul.Anthony emailed me. That was interesting. Jesse hasn't. That is even more interesting, because I am not sure what is going on. So I tried to watch Prophecy last night, that wasn't too successful, lol.
But I had a good time just hanging out with Jeremy even though closing was pure hell. lol, pure hell, I don't know if that works, but I am going with it. I had a migraine, and we did like 750 for late night, 86 for 15 minutes, 200 for one of the half hours, and it was just me/ kattie up front, and john/andrew in back. And andrew went on a ten for the begining part of that. So that sucked quite a bit. I still don't see how John is going to be a manager, I mean, he is great in the kitchen and all....but he doesn't know ANY front counter stuff, and the managers are usually up there unless the kitchen people need help, but whatever. I am sure he will learn pretty quick.
I think the past few days have been slightly better on a wider scale though. Becuase I have recently realized that I have been a screwup lately. And that is a good thing though, because one thing about knowing you screwed up, is that you can fix it. And there isn't often points in life where you have a chance for redemption. I missed about all the deadlines for college stuff due to indesicion, haven't done almost any grad. stuff, etc..but I went and picked up my moms meds, did some errands, took some announcements to the post office, and a few other things, and realized that what I am looking for is renewed faith in the human race, and in myself. More later.
MUAH!
Emily | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | So today was not the best day in the world, but it actually ended up alot better then it started. I am increasingly unssatisfied with BK, and all of my mediocre dealings. I want a better job, but I would feel way to bad to quit on Crystal. I don't even know, and plus there is all this stuff going on and NOT going on with brandon. PLus the whole awakened justin drama. I hate drama, i do. I just want to lay down, and read, and do NOTHING!!!!! lol, yeah right.there is so much I want and need to say but I cannot get out. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | REM-losing my religion | | Current Location: | my bed | | Time: | 12:30 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/purplelemon/sassips/dirty.gif) choosing my confessions |
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| Last:
.:. talked to: jeremy
.:. shower: This morning
.:. watched: uh, a movie?
For or Against:
.:. long distant relationship:don't work
.:. killing people: Against. Um...is there more than one answer?
.:. teenage drinking: cliche, but a catch 22
Have you:
.:. ever been arrested: No.
.:. ever had a friend die: yes
.:. ever dated a cousin: Ewww. i may be from texas but i'm not FROM texas, lol
.:. ever used a gun: no
.:. ever finished a puzzle: Of course!
.:. ever got surgery: Yeah
.:. ever got beat up: Yes.
.:. ever hated someone: no
.:. ever made a huge mistake: Who hasn't?.
.:. ever tried any drugs: yes
Number:
.:. favorite number: 3
.:. of times you've have had your heart broken: I don't really know..
.:. of drugs you taken: green
.:. slept in your bed: a decent amount of people
.:. made you cry: not saying
.:. yelled at you: some customer
Pick one:
.:. blue or red?: Blue
.:. spring or fall?: spring, its when everything happened.
Random stuff:
.:. criminal record?: No
.:. do you speak any other languages: spanish
.:. piercings?: ears
Your:
.:. initials: EES
.:. how old do you look?: dont know
.:. how old do you act?: 46
.:. braces: No
.:. do you have any pets?: dog
.:. do you get embarrassed?: Yeah
.:. mood?: conflicted | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Hey. I am writing something, suprise suprise..So much has happened that I don't know where to start..so I will just skip to the end. It is sunny outside, and I need to find the 3 1/2 inch floppies that have my writing on it. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Today is alot better, nothing particular has happened, but I woke up, and felt better. I am most likely going tonight to Rush's even though the sound SUCKS! but anyways, come out. I need to go to Seattle today to pick up some stuff from the Westin up on 5th. Haha, well tommorow night i am going to be in seattle, since i have to be at seattle center really early, so I am spending the night in my dad's office building, i got the codes and cards and all, so I am going to find some comfy office near the break room, and hope i don't get caught. :) wish me luck. Anyways, i got to get going, i have to catch the bus in a few. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | bands | | Time: | 01:48 pm |
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| Bands I have seen live
1. Houston Symphony
2. System of a Down
3. Hella
4. The Mars Volta
5. AFI
6. Black Sabbath
7. Iron Maiden
8. Killswitch Engage
9. Mudvayne
10. Shadows Fall
11. Black Label Society
12. In Flames
13. SYH
14. Standard Unknown
15. Mercy Kill
16. Barefoot Barnacle
17. Rob Zombie
18. As I Lay Dying
19. Mastodon
20. A Dozen Furies
21. It dies today
22. Soilwork
23. Gizmachi
24. Bury Your Dead
25. The Haunted
26. The Black Dahlia Murder
27. Trivium
28. Pistols at Dawn
29. Speedbump
30. The Rehabs
31. Sub Motive
32. Risk 26
33. The Brando Project
34. Exile
35. Momsen Rucus
36. Andrew Robison
37. Exit fall*shudders*
38. Metal Storm
39. Whatever happened to Melvin
40. The Divorce
41. The Catch
42. Joy Electric
43. Valley of the Dinosaurs
44. Selah PR
45. Kane Hodder( sadly..)
46. Downer Cow
47. Before the Battle
48. There is more, but I am done for now, watch for pt. 2 | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | dreaming/sleeping/mourning-Loudon Wainwright | | Subject: | so | | Time: | 06:13 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/purplelemon/sassips/hurt.gif) rescue me? |
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| | So just in case someone reads this, I am still very much alive. I have been busy being bored and alone. So anyways, I will update more later but I have to go do some stuff, life has been strange lately, Courtney is all busy with her school stuff, kayleigh is the same, I just feel kinda screwed up. I guess I need to find some more friends so I am not just always at home. Home makes me depressed, lol. Anyways, looking forward to getting out of here. If any of you would ever like to hang out, comment! I would gladly welcome it. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | SYH-Bury the tooth of the Hydra and a skeleton army willrise | | Subject: | please spare yourselves | | Time: | 10:49 pm | | Current Mood: | all i want... |
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| LAST
Last cigarette: not much for the cancer sticks
Last car ride:Taking courtney to her home
Last good cry: corem deo
Last library book checked out:One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest
Last movie seen: Murder by Numbers
Last beverage drank:water
Last food consumed:ice cream
Last phone call: Pam, about working tommorow
Last time showered: in about 10 minutes
Last shoes worn:dumb question, like that matters, but does anything matter?? But...it was my vans
Last items bought: some CDs
Last disappointment:Not being able to figure out the CSI computer game that i have waited 2 months to get from the library
Last shirt worn: just a white tank top
Last website: i wonder.
Last word/s you said: What duck?
What colour socks are you wearing? that would be none
What's under your bed? 12 metal guys,4 lesbians, and 2 straight chicks.
What time did you wake up today? 8:15, I thought I had to work...but i was wrong.
FUTURE
Who do you want to live with? Billy Joel..lol..jk...kinda...;)
What is your career going to be? Open up a nightclub, i hope.
Where are you going to live? maybe back in houston, or seatle.
How many kids do you want? i will not even dignify such dorky ?'s with answers
What kind of car(s): the infiniti, when i finally get the transmission fixed
CURRENT
Current mood:tired, bored
Current music: dead to fall-eternal gates of hell
Current taste: minty
Current hair:brown
Current clothes: none, jk. jeans, shirt, blah blah blah
Current annoyance(s): long surveys
Current desktop picture:some vortex thingie
Current book: band of brothers
(x) - what you’ve done
(x) been drunk--well, tipsy at least.
( )been high--only off secondhand, mind you.
( )kissed a member of the opposite sex
( )kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( )been to Japan -
(x) ridden in a taxi
( )been dumped
( ) been fired or laid off
(x)been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
( ) had someone sneak in
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
( ) ever dated someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
( )been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) stole something from my job
( ) celebrated new years in times square
(x) gone on a blind date
( ) crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in New Orleans
( )been to Europe
(x) skipped school
( )cut yourself on purpose--but those days are over now
( ) had children
(x)seen someone die
( ) been to Africa
(x) Punched a friend--between all the mosh pits and kinda fights...
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x)Been on a plane
(Dr. X...XXXX!)Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show--
( ) thrown up in a bar
(x) Purposely set a part of myself on fire...
( ) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet...definetly...im such a nerd..lol
(X) Been moshing at a concert
( ) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
(x)taken painkillers--
(x) miss someone right now--
(x) lied--
(x) Stole--
UNIQUE
1. Nervous Habits? biting nails, tapping fingers
2. Are you double jointed? a lil'
3. Can you roll your tongue? yup
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? yep
5. Can you blow spit bubble? absolutly
6. Can you cross your eyes? yeah
7. Tattoos? none yet
8. Piercings and where? 2 on each ear,more later
CLOTHES
10. Which shoe goes on first? whichever one i pick up off the floor first to put on.
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? um...yeah.but honestly "who throws a shoe???" *austing powers*
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? haha, what wallet? maybe like a couple quarters? Dont rob me, i'm not worth it.
14. Favourites pieces of clothing? my birthday suit. lol. not really
FOOD
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl, then suck it into my mouth
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? NO.
17. Favourite ice cream flavour? cookie dough. :)
18. How many kinds cereal are in your cabinet? lots...
19. What's your favourite beverage? water
20. What's your favourite restaurant?maybe olive garden, i dont know, i dont eat out alot
21. Do you cook? some
GROOMING
22. How often do you brush your teeth? generally twice a day...
23. Hair Drying method? just kinda let it be
24: Natural hair state: ? i have never died it or anything if that is what you are asking.
25. Have you ever coloured/highlighted your hair/what colour? nope
26. Do you swear? not really
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE
27. Animal? naked molerat.or dog
28. Food? mexican
29. Month? june? december? i like october too. i do really have a preference.
30. Day? thurday. *CSI* friday is good too.
31. Favourite Cartoon Character? stewie from family guy. haha.
32. Shoe Brand? the cheap kind
33. Subject in school? english, spanish
34. Colours? red, green, mostly blue, neons are fun as well.
35. TV show? that 70s show
RANDOM
36. What's your sleeping position? on my side, or my back
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? yeah.
50. Do you snore? no
52. Do you talk in your sleep? i've heard that i do
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no
54. How about with the light on? no
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? no, sometimes radio though
True or False/ rarely/ sometimes
you do your own chores: yes
your parents still give you money for things: nope, not really
you're gay: nope
you walk around barefoot indoors most of the time: yes
you own more than one brush: no
your favourite colour is red: kinda, not really
you're completely broke right now: kinda
you never shop at the mall: hardly ever
you're happy with your hair: i dont really care about my hair. lol
you own 3 dogs: 2
you spend your money wisely: usually
you're always making new friends: i'm kinda a loner
you get bored so you take a shower: no
you're patient: sometimes | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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If this is a dream, wake me up now
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o_2_w_a_s_t_e_r's journal![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/purplelemon/sassips/hopeful.gif){kind=small}
hopeful![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/purplelemon/sassips/hyper.gif){kind=small}
I'm not that kind of girl![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/purplelemon/sassips/sick.gif){kind=small}
show me the way to go home![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/purplelemon/sassips/bitchy.gif){kind=small}
no angels gracing the lines![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/purplelemon/sassips/giggly.gif){kind=small}
what i am to you you dont need![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/purplelemon/sassips/shocked.gif){kind=small}
i wish you..